Things not supposed to happen, happened. Things supposed to happen, did not happen.

These aren't my words but it shall start from here...

Someone wrote on Saturday, November 10th, 2007 @ 12:25 am:

some things that are gone should be left to the past
not dug up
to humiliate, to blame or to quarrel about.

why is it when things happen, people just cant apologise
and give a hug to the other party and make up and let the unhappiness flow with time.

why cant i just get comfort from this special person
who's my guardian angel, who watches over me?

please, dear all, dont ever promise that you'll always be there for anyone
dont always say you have always love this person
coz there's really nothing that last for eternity.
not from ex-lovers, let alone friends who had once made that promise.

"We'll see each other through the next 10 years, heck, till we're old!"

WORDS ARE CHEAP.
AND
PROMISES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN.

tell me, who is there to trust in this society other than the people who has brought you to this world.

never try to turn back with hope.
i took a step out, wanting to be comfort only.
but situation/people just had to conjured up bad feelings
that make me feel weak.

this is the part that i really hate to see myself.
when have i became this weak?

who had said communication will lead you through a better relationship with your lover and friends?
i think its all bull-shit.

dont ever say pretend everything's normal
when things are not even starting to move towards the better.

IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP.
ONE TO SLAP.

Always look for someone who is true to you, be it a friend, a playmate, a lover, a soulmate,.
Someone who quarrels with you but the cold war doesnt last more than 24hours.
Someone who apologies to you even he/she is not at fault.
Someone who apologies coz he/she knows he has hurt you from the way you sound.
Someone who would overlook all these.

I havent been able to find this person. I dont think i had ever try to look for someone like this.
many times when i trusted my own instincts, which proved to have failed many times.

There isnt such a thing as perfectionist. We all strive to be something we arent.
As a result, we expect that people around us to be, perfect.

GREATER EXPECTATIONS COME WITH GREATER DISAPPOINTMENT.

you can ignore the entire entry but please, remember the words in bold and caps.

NEVER ALLOW YOUR HEART TO RULE
COZ IT WILL ALWAYS FAIL ON YOU.



i think we have thrown this relationship deep into a pit hole
and none of us is willing to slog to even try to pick it up from deep within.
Let it stay there.
Let time and nature heal it.
Soon it will all just become memories,
that has fade with time.

We have failed.
No longer 'us'
Accept it.



**********




when i brought up my thoughts,
all i want is to seek your understanding
not asking for a solution
not for me to propose something either.

all i want is a hug from you.
nevermind about the reasons
i need comfort and assurance.

nevertheless
it always fail
always ended up in quarrel
or even worst than i can imagine

i should learn to believe that
"hoping" no longer works.
changes in attitude is something i cannot help
and cannot overlook.
only to sit there and watch everything deteriorate, helplessly.

its time we all admit
that we're just passerbys in each other life.
that we are very different people
with different ways of handling things.

we may have stayed longer than we actually should,
in each other life.
thus causing much more conflicting views/misunderstandings.

no one bothers to clear them
no one bothers..
anymore.

i admit my bad in the earlier times
but just this time, this very time,
when i let my guard down
trusting you to catch me when i fall
and unveil this whole true feelings of mine
always remember that very day
when i turned up teary eye
and left with 2 swollen.

so this time around
you seriously turned me around
and stabbed me a thousand times
caught me off guard totally, unprepared.

when i spoke from the bottom of my heart
you betrayed my poor heart
telling it that "we're gg by your decision".

i had always believe that when you truly love someone
you'll turn back
to this very person
no matter how badly he/she has hurt you.

i think ive turned back enough
i am left with nothing to continue pursuing this "happiness".

i never thought this smile
(you always made me smile/laugh like an ediott)
would actually get erased by the very same person
who had brought me this wonderful thing.

remember the video/song you made for me?
we'll end, with it.
coz
that is when i started to believe that fairytale really
does come true.

***

you said you were waiting for me to tell you what i want from you
i can only say
i wanted a hug
all these while.
just so to let me know everything will be okay.
from you.

isnt it all too late to say all these now?

Goodbye.

***